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20 March 2012 @ 06:13 pm
Very important alert levels, for all of our internationals  
I stole this from a good friend slashbycaranfin it was so silly I had to share :)

Alert to threats in Europe: By John Cleese(I really like John Cleese)

John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person!

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.”

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the

blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be right.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

A final thought – ” Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC”.
Current Location: KC
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: Scrubs on tv
worst-case-scenario girlfacecat on March 20th, 2012 11:19 pm (UTC)
A final thought – ” Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC

lol. And here I am watching 'Alexander'.
lijahlover: Elijah laughinglijahlover on March 20th, 2012 11:42 pm (UTC)
Well I have never watched Alexander but that is great :)
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lijahlover: Elijah laughinglijahlover on March 20th, 2012 11:43 pm (UTC)
I know I love that one they are are great though :)
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lijahlover: OMG/ONOZlijahlover on March 21st, 2012 12:09 am (UTC)
Yes and the Australia with crikey LOL!
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lijahlover: Animated Dancing Harry/Draco cutenesslijahlover on March 21st, 2012 12:22 am (UTC)
You're welcome and good night :)
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lijahlover: Elijah laughinglijahlover on March 20th, 2012 11:44 pm (UTC)
Yay I'm glad I made you laugh :)
Icicle: Laugh out loudicicle33 on March 21st, 2012 01:33 am (UTC)
So funny...I laughed so loud my roommate came in to see what I was laughing about and then she laughed too.

= D
lijahlover: Elijah laughinglijahlover on March 21st, 2012 01:23 pm (UTC)
I'm glad I made you both :) :D
Nennenenne on March 21st, 2012 05:32 am (UTC)
Thanks for sharing! I loved John Cleese. XD
lijahlover: Cup of tealijahlover on March 21st, 2012 01:23 pm (UTC)
He is so funny and makes it seem effortless :)

You're welcome :)
WhatWldMrsweasleydowwmrsweasleydo on March 21st, 2012 09:43 am (UTC)
Very funny. And what would the American equivalents be? I suppose it would be rude of me to ask whereabouts "join in half-way through" comes? So I won't. Bit unfair on the French? Nah. They can take it. I like the 430 BC line, too. My daughter's off to Greece next week. Should be ok. Shouldn't it?
lijahlover: Coffee cup with Elijah and a heartlijahlover on March 21st, 2012 01:22 pm (UTC)
Hey I would love an American one that would be great LOL! :)

You're daughter should be fine.

Ohhhhhh I'd love to spend many weeks in Greece :)
Geneva2010geneva2010 on March 21st, 2012 01:07 pm (UTC)
This is amusing - thanks for posting it.

I was searching for the original source for this essay, and it dates back to at least 2007, and I can't find out who wrote it, but it was apparently not John Cleese. The earlier versions I saw didn't have any reference to Syria, so someone updated it.

The internet is an amazing place.
lijahlover: Boys kissing against a walllijahlover on March 21st, 2012 01:20 pm (UTC)
Not sure but the original source could be Monty Python and John just read it. :)