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06 November 2007 @ 10:59 am
Drabble  
 Elijah slowly walked towards Dom,a look of longing on his face.  Dom got up from the couch to meet him.  They meet in the middle of the room,no words were exchanged.  Dom pulled Elijah to him ,pressing against him.  They kissed each other  shyly at first then with more passion.  They had never felt that before with anyone.  It was the best kiss of their life.  They broke apart with a knock on the door ,  time to go back to the set.

End
 
 
Current Mood: artistic
 
 
(Deleted comment)
lijahloverlijahlover on November 7th, 2007 12:13 am (UTC)
Are you honestly saying you liked it? I am not a writer.I have always dreamed of being able to write well, but it is mostly for fun.I have never written anything before.I envy anyone who can write stories.Hugs!
verangelverangel on November 7th, 2007 01:39 am (UTC)
melts...sighs..oh.v xoxo
lijahloverlijahlover on November 7th, 2007 01:44 am (UTC)
I am so happy you liked it.I love the idea of writing,but I have never writen anything in my life.Except this drabble.Hugs!
Cat: D/E Always by my sidecat_luvs_guysx2 on November 7th, 2007 10:23 am (UTC)
Very well done. I could easily imagine it in my head and feel every ounce of emotion as they finally came together in that kiss, and then reality comes crashing back upon them with a simple knock. Good job. ;D
lijahloverlijahlover on November 7th, 2007 05:05 pm (UTC)
Thak you so much that means alot to me coming from such an amazing writer as you.Hugs!
lijahloverlijahlover on November 7th, 2007 05:06 pm (UTC)
I meant Thank you.
Taro: 1DomLij - Attractionmother2012 on November 9th, 2007 12:33 am (UTC)
Not bad for a first attempt. And thanks for the image. I can always use a good DomLijah moment.

I can't speak for anyone else, but for me:

I will read any DomLijah, no matter how bad. (Well, up to a point.)

It would improve the whole mood of the thing if you would be more careful of your punctuation. For me, reading something with poor spelling or punctuation is the same as someone speaking with a slur or very poor English. It just doesn't come across the same way.

First, make sure that you put a space after every comma and period. It implies a pause that I won't put in, in my head, without the visual cue. Make sure that there is *not* a space before the punctuation.

Second, watch your tenses. Where you say, "They meet in the middle of the room," make it 'met' to stay in the past tense.

Third, make sure that there *is* a comma or some punctuation wherever the reader should pause. An example here is, "shyly at first; then with more passion."

Fourth - most important, read it over several times yourself. Then wait a day (at least) and read it again.

I'm not saying this to discourage you, but because I see a spark there that might be polished into something very bright. And another DomLijah writer would be a Very Good Thing!
lijahloverlijahlover on November 9th, 2007 01:53 pm (UTC)
No Thank you for the tips.I love writing yet I don't quite get how to do all of the puntuation that you suggested and it frustrated me as well.I understand what you are saying about it.I love posting I just don't no how.Thanks!